Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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