One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
