Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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