i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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