I've blown a few things in my day
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
