Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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