I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
