4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
