she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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