Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
