Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
