She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
