Kiss
Puke
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The power of my boobs compel you
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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