on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize