I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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