I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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