i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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