My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
