So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
high people should be assigned attendants
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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