You just made me feel so damn special
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
