I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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