I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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