Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
