i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
