and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
