just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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