you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So much Jack, so little girl.
i believe in u and ur pee
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
