i would punch a child for taco bell
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
