Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
