I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
