What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
