He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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