I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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