How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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