Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
