i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
