he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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