dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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