im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
