Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
