I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
