somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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