One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
