i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she peed on how many people?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
