I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
