bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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