Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize