so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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