Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
