I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
