i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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