clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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