i think my mom watched the whole time
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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