What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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