my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
