Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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