I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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