This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
