I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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