Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
