wakey wakey hands off snakey
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
