I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
