the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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