Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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