i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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