her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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